ARE YOU A

Narcissist! Or Not?

Tools For Helping Men

Transform Hurtful Accusations

Into Lasting Love & Trust

“Why does she always say I’m being passive-aggressive or distant when I feel like I’m the one making all the sacrifices?”

Meet Ben … The “Silent Martyr”

Ben stood at the kitchen counter, rinsing the last dish from dinner, his movements deliberate and slow. He could hear Claire laughing softly in the living room as she talked with her sister on the phone. The sound tugged at something deep inside him—a blend of longing and irritation.

Earlier that evening, Ben had cooked her favorite meal. He’d even stopped at the store after work to grab her favorite wine, all while managing the kids’ chaos. And yet, when she came home, Claire barely seemed to notice.

“Dinner smells nice,” she had said in passing, dropping her bag on the counter. Then she went upstairs to change, leaving him standing there with a half-hearted “thanks” echoing in his mind.

Now, hours later, the sting of her indifference hadn’t faded.

Ben dried his hands and glanced at the living room. She was still on the phone, smiling, relaxed. She has time to laugh with her sister but no time to notice what I’ve done for her, he thought, his jaw tightening.

He didn’t say anything. Why would he? It wouldn’t make a difference. Claire never seemed to really hear him when he brought up how he felt. Instead, she’d turn it around, saying he was too sensitive or that he was reading into things.

But Ben wasn’t imagining it. He worked hard to keep their household running smoothly—picking up extra responsibilities, staying late at work when the bills piled up, and sacrificing his own time to keep things together. Didn’t she see that?

He turned off the kitchen light and headed upstairs without a word. Claire glanced his way but didn’t stop her conversation.

The next morning, Ben woke to Claire bustling around the bedroom, gathering her things.

“Hey,” he said, his voice heavy with sleep. “Do you have a minute?”

She looked up, distracted. “Not really. I’m running late. What’s up?”

Ben sat up, his chest tightening. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Ben…” Claire’s tone softened. “What’s wrong?”

He hesitated. This was his chance to say something, but the words felt tangled in his throat. Finally, he muttered, “I just feel like you don’t appreciate everything I do around here. It’s like I don’t even exist sometimes.”

Claire froze, her keys in hand. “What are you talking about? Of course I appreciate you.”

“No, you don’t,” Ben shot back, his voice rising slightly. “You don’t notice the little things I do, and when you do, it’s like an afterthought. I try so hard, Claire, and it’s like it doesn’t matter to you.”

Claire sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Ben, I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. But you don’t have to act like a martyr about everything. If you’re upset, just say so. Don’t let it fester.”

Ben’s face flushed. “I’m not acting like a martyr. I’m just trying to do my part, but it feels like nothing I do is good enough for you.”

“Ben, I’m not asking you to do all these things. You decide to do them, and then you get mad when I don’t shower you with gratitude. It’s exhausting.”

Exhausting. That word hit him like a punch to the gut. Claire grabbed her bag and left without another word, leaving Ben sitting there, the same knot of frustration and hurt tightening in his chest.

Why Does Your Wife Think You’re a Covert Narcissist?

Is your wife or partner accusing you of being a covert narcissist? You might feel like you’re constantly making sacrifices and putting in effort to keep the relationship going, yet she’s interpreting your behavior in a completely different way. Covert narcissism often comes up when a man’s actions appear passive-aggressive, subtly manipulative, or emotionally distant. What most people don’t realize is that these behaviors are typically driven by a deep-seated feeling of insecurity—feeling undervalued, overlooked, or unappreciated.

You might believe you’re doing more than your partner gives you credit for, and this can lead to unspoken resentment. Instead of voicing your frustrations openly, you may find yourself avoiding conflict and letting these feelings simmer under the surface. Over time, this passive resentment manifests as behaviors that your partner interprets as manipulative or emotionally withdrawing. From her perspective, your lack of direct communication and subtle actions may come across as emotionally manipulative or as you playing the victim. This often leads her to question your motives, your level of engagement, or the health of the relationship altogether.

But here’s the truth: these behaviors aren’t about manipulation or selfishness—they’re rooted in a deep sense of insecurity. You may feel like a martyr, quietly doing things for your partner and family without getting the recognition or appreciation you desire. This can create emotional distance and erode the connection between you and your partner over time. What she sees as withdrawal or passive-aggressive behavior is your way of dealing with feeling unappreciated or undervalued.

So, what can you do to turn things around?

First, you need to recognize that covert behaviors stem from insecurity. This is the key to breaking the cycle. Once you realize that your passive actions are driven by feeling overlooked or unappreciated, you can start to address them in healthier ways. Open communication and emotional honesty are essential in transforming your relationship dynamics. Instead of letting resentment build, you can express your needs and frustrations in a way that fosters trust and mutual respect.

In the Narcissist, or Not? course, we’ll guide you through understanding the root cause of covert behaviors and teach you practical strategies to stop pushing your partner away. By learning how to communicate openly and honestly, you can build the emotional connection you truly want. You don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of resentment and passive-aggression—you can become the emotionally resilient, connected man you want to be.

Ready to change the way your relationship works?

Take our assessment to find out if your behaviors align with covert narcissism. Gain insights into the hidden insecurities driving your actions and discover the steps you can take to build a more connected, balanced, and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

Next Steps:

• Buy the Book – Explore the root causes of vulnerable behaviors and learn how to develop emotional resilience.
• Get the Workbook – Practical exercises to help you stop seeking constant validation and become emotionally stronger.
• Take the Course – Work with Sven and Steve to break the cycle of insecurity and create a more balanced, connected relationship.

Does Your Behavior Make You Look Like a Covert Narcissist?

Is your wife or partner accusing you of being a covert narcissist? Men who display covert narcissism often come across as passive-aggressive, quietly manipulative, or resentful. You might feel like you’re silently sacrificing and doing more for the relationship, but she may see your behavior as withdrawn or subtly undermining. Take this assessment to find out how much your behaviors resemble covert narcissism and learn what steps you can take to build more open and honest communication.

Take Our “Why Does My Wife Think I’m a Covert Narcissist?” Test

Learn how your behaviors may look like covert narcissism to your wife or partner.

Would you prefer to take our FREE, all-inclusive Test? Click Here

See how your behaviors may appear similar to eight forms of narcissism (including covert) in this 90-question, comprehensive test. 

Disclaimer:

We want to remind you that we are not mental health professionals; this is not a diagnosis, and the information below is not offered as medical or mental health guidance. The insights and assessments are intended to help you understand why your partner may be seeing some of your behaviors as narcissistic and identifying or accusing you of being a narcissist. These assessments are for personal reflection and growth—not for clinical evaluation.

Here’s What You Might Be Feeling, Saying, and Doing:

Feelings of a Covertly Insecure Man:

• Undervalued and overlooked
• Resentful and slighted
• Like a martyr in the relationship

What You Might Be Saying:

• “I do so much for you, but you never seem to notice!”
• “I’m always the one making sacrifices, and you don’t care.”
• “It’s like I don’t even exist to you.”

What You Might Be Doing:

• Displaying passive-aggressive behavior
• Withdrawing or giving the silent treatment
• Subtly undermining your partner’s achievements

Here’s How Your Partner Might Be Feeling, Saying, and Responding:

Feelings of a Woman in a Relationship with a Covertly Insecure Man:

• Confused by his behavior
• Guilty for not acknowledging him more
• Frustrated by his withdrawal

What She Might Be Saying:

• “Why are you so distant?”
• “You always act like the victim.”
• “What more do you want from me?”

What She Might Be Doing:

• Trying harder to please him
• Feeling compelled to reassure him
• Possibly starting to withdraw herself emotionally

Recognizing that covert behaviors often stem from insecurity is the first step to shifting from passive resentment to more open communication. By addressing your feelings directly, you can stop the cycle of covert behaviors and start rebuilding mutual respect and connection in your relationship.

Ready to Take the Next Step Toward Transformation?

Whether you’re looking to dive deeper, get hands-on tools, or begin a guided journey, we’ve got you covered. Explore our book, workbook, and course to start changing the way you show up in your relationship and break free from the cycle of grandiose insecurity.