Confused about what it means to be a man today? If you’re tired of weak clichés or toxic extremes, this is where you’ll find a vision of masculinity that’s principled, grounded, and noble, without apology. These posts offer clarity, challenge, and inspiration for men who want to rise with strength and virtue.
Then one day, often just after a “more trail marathon,” like a vacation, home renovation, or big holiday, our wives say some dreadful words.
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
“I think I want a divorce.”
“Yes… I *am* having an affair.”
“I can’t give you what you want.”
“I need to find myself.”
We help men become the heroes they’ve always longed to be, surrounded by the kind of men they’d long since lost hope could guide them there.
For about twenty years, I couldn’t figure out why I felt alone in crowds, unvalued, unappreciated, unseen, unhappy, and ultimately, unloved. This wasn’t what I signed up for! I constantly wondered, “what the hell happened here?”
I thought my absence of male friends was because other men were all shallow. I felt that good men who could talk about something other than sports, booze, and hobbies were proverbial unicorns in the world. As a result, I struggled to develop close bonds with other men.
I’ve sat with many men lamenting their fathers’ lack of instruction and their shame for not knowing how to do some things. I understand that frustration, not getting a lot of teaching I would have preferred also. However, the instructions my dad couldn’t give me…
For almost twenty years, I lived as a serf, disappointed that my needs never seemed met and exhausted from the constant asking and angling for more respect, appreciation, validation, love, sex, passion, connection, and free time to myself. “This isn’t fair! This isn’t what partnership was supposed to be about!”
Many men embrace conditional regard thinking it’s how they can create and enforce good personal boundaries. In fact, the opposite is true. Men with conditional regard for others require things from others that they can’t control.
Inwardly I was miserable, melancholy, and woefully unhappy, and I had a secret no one knew. My secret? That I spent excessive time fantasizing about my wife dying in her sleep so I could hopefully remarry and live the rest of my life happily ever after.
Many think they’re playing The Hero simply because they’re no longer idle in their story. While taking action is more heroic than living idly in inaction, if a man’s story has a Villain, he’s still The Victim. Guys get pissed when I say that. That, too, is often more victimization.
Hey brother, if you're reading this as a man experiencing marriage trouble, I want you to know...
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