Is This a Good Fit?
This is about direction, not position
This page is not about whether you are “ready enough,” developed enough, or in the right place in life.
It is about direction. Specifically, about where you want to move and how you want to relate to yourself, other people, and your life as you do.
The men who flourish most in my work are not defined by where they start. They are defined by the direction they are willing to move.
A simple way to think about orientation
Over time, I’ve noticed a useful pattern. When men get stuck, their attention and energy tend to organize around one of three orientations.
SHE | WE | ME
SHE-Focus: Some are primarily focused on her. What she is doing, not doing, thinking, or needing to change.
WE-Focus: Some are primarily focused on the relationship. The dynamic, the system, the “we,” and how to get it to work.
ME-Focus: Some are primarily focused on themselves. Not in a selfish way, but in a responsible one. How they are showing up, choosing, avoiding, or leading themselves.
These are not labels or fixed identities. They are orientations, and they can change.
If you’re curious to understand this more deeply, I’ve written a longer explanation of how men tend to orient around me, we, and she, why those orientations make sense developmentally, and why growth often involves a counterintuitive shift that can feel uncomfortable at first.
Read a deeper explanation of the SHE, ME, WE orientation.
Where this work is pointing
The direction of my work is simple, even when the process is not.
It helps men move toward greater agency, responsibility, and ownership of their own lives.
You do not need to arrive with those qualities fully formed. In fact, many men come here precisely because they know they are not living that way yet.
What matters is whether you want to move in that direction, even when it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
How different paths fit different orientations
Because people are oriented differently, the best place to start is not the same for everyone.
Men who already feel some pull toward personal ownership and self-leadership, even if they struggle to live it consistently, often do well in 1:1 coaching and mentoring. The proximity and reflection help them move faster and deeper.
Men who are heavily focused on their partner or circumstances, and who feel frustrated or reactive around that focus, often benefit from starting with courses. The structure creates space to reorient without the pressure of relational intensity.
Men who find themselves somewhere in between, carrying a mix of self-awareness and relational entanglement, often thrive in community. Shared context allows them to see themselves more clearly without being singled out or isolated.
When resistance is the signal
Some men notice that the idea of focusing on themselves brings up resistance. It can feel selfish, dangerous, or wrong.
That resistance is not a failure. It is information.
If this is where you find yourself, I often recommend beginning with my 30-Day Awakened Purposeful Man Challenge. It is designed specifically to help men question inherited assumptions about responsibility, self-focus, and leadership without forcing premature conclusions.
What does not work well
This work does not work well when someone is committed to the idea that change must happen somewhere, or in someone else first.
It also does not work well when responsibility is treated as a negotiation, or when insight is used to avoid action.
These are not moral failures. They simply indicate that a different kind of support, or a different season, may be more appropriate.
Choosing a place to start
You do not need to choose the “best” option. You only need to choose an honest starting point.
From there, movement creates clarity.
If you want to explore the specific ways to engage this work more personally, you can return to the overview here.