I thought my absence of male friends was because other men were all shallow. I felt that good men who could talk about something other than sports, booze, and hobbies were proverbial unicorns in the world. As a result, I struggled to develop close bonds with other men.
I’ve sat with many men lamenting their fathers’ lack of instruction and their shame for not knowing how to do some things. I understand that frustration, not getting a lot of teaching I would have preferred also. However, the instructions my dad couldn’t give me…
For almost twenty years, I lived as a serf, disappointed that my needs never seemed met and exhausted from the constant asking and angling for more respect, appreciation, validation, love, sex, passion, connection, and free time to myself. “This isn’t fair! This isn’t what partnership was supposed to be about!”
Many men embrace conditional regard thinking it’s how they can create and enforce good personal boundaries. In fact, the opposite is true. Men with conditional regard for others require things from others that they can’t control.
Inwardly I was miserable, melancholy, and woefully unhappy, and I had a secret no one knew. My secret? That I spent excessive time fantasizing about my wife dying in her sleep so I could hopefully remarry and live the rest of my life happily ever after.
Many think they’re playing The Hero simply because they’re no longer idle in their story. While taking action is more heroic than living idly in inaction, if a man’s story has a Villain, he’s still The Victim. Guys get pissed when I say that. That, too, is often more victimization.
Hey brother, if you're reading this as a man experiencing marriage trouble, I want you to know that I'm for you! I'm on your team and want the best for you. That's why I'm sharing these words with you. Words that might sting or pinch a bit, but words that might...
In my work with men, I have the opportunity to see how a man’s worldview plays out in his life, romantic relationships, family, career, and friendships. Being an 80’s music-loving Rush fan, I sometimes find those songs to speak some transcendent truths that are precisely what I see in the men in front of me.
These men, refusing to be victims, naturally refuse to wait for someone to rescue them from their victimization. Instead, they possess a “self-rescue” mindset. That means that they refused to wait for their spouse or her affair partner to change course or direction.
I know you're probably not a Narcissist. The problem is your wife, girlfriend, or fiancee might believe you are. There are good reasons they might think this. If a man knows this, with some help and insights, there are ways to stop it from continuing. That's why I...