The Real Cost of Staying Stuck
vs. The Investment in Becoming Unshakable
Hey man, if you’re here, it means something in your life—your marriage, your relationship, or even just your sense of self—isn’t where you want it to be.
I get it. We’ve all been there—standing at the crossroads, trying to figure out what the heck to do next.
And if you’re like most men, you’re probably asking yourself:
- So, what is this really going to cost me?
- Is this worth the money?
- Is this the right investment for me?
- What am I really committing to?
Fair questions. Smart men don’t invest blindly.
So, I’m going to do something most programs won’t—because I appreciate straight talk, and I bet you do, too.
I’ll lay it all out—transparently. No vague promises. No hidden fees. Just the actual cost of staying stuck and the actual investment in your transformation.
Because here’s the thing—doing nothing has a cost, too.
The Cost of Staying Stuck
You already know what it’s costing you to stay the same.
- Maybe your wife is distant, withdrawn, or barely tolerates your presence.
- Maybe you’re tired of the same fights, the same patterns, the same disconnect.
- Maybe you feel unseen, unappreciated, and more like a roommate than a husband.
And yet, you hesitate. Maybe you’re asking:
- “Is this really worth it?”
- “Can I afford this?”
- “Will this actually work for me?”
But let’s be honest—the real cost isn’t what we pay to transform.
The real cost is what we pay when we don’t.
When things start falling apart, most men respond in one of three ways:
A “SHE” Focus – We Look for Changes in Her
We analyze her moods, her words, and her actions. We watch for signs that she’s pulling away. We blame her for the problems—or we bend over backward, trying to win her back.
A “WE” Focus – We Look for Changes in the Relationship
We tell ourselves that marriage is a 50/50 deal and that “if she’s not doing her part, why should I?” We stall out, waiting for mutual effort, believing that the marriage itself is something we need to “fix together.”
A “ME” Focus – We Take Full Ownership and Look for Changes Within
We stop trying to control her. We stop waiting for permission. Instead, we focus on leading ourselves first.
We become the kind of men who naturally inspire admiration, respect, and trust—no matter what she does.
The Truth? Only One of These Truly Works To Create the Life We Want
Men who focus on SHE or WE have, at best, a 50% success rate. That’s basically the same odds as flipping a coin—the same outcome as random chance.
Men who focus on ME?
85% of them turn their life and marriage around (at least the ones I work with).
If you needed heart surgery, would you want a surgeon with a 50% success rate?
Neither would I.
That’s why I don’t invest significant time into men who are still locked in SHE or WE focus.
Not because they’re hopeless—but because they’re not ready to lead.
Why would I coach the man who insists the problem is someone else? I’d rather just coach the other person.
These men aren’t seeking personal transformation (an internal change)—they’re seeking relief (an external change).
They want their circumstances to change without changing themselves.
I don’t rescue men from pain and discomfort. That’s not coaching and mentoring—that’s medicine.
I equip men to turn their pain into power.
And if you’re not there yet, that’s okay.
It takes time to see that the ME path is the one that leads where we want to go. (It took me 44 years!)
So, Let’s Break Down What This Actually Costs
We’re going to look at real men, their real costs, and what they actually invested in themselves.
No gimmicks. No fluff. Just clear, transparent numbers—so you can make the best choice for yourself.
Let’s take a look at what each of these men can expect to invest—and what it will truly cost them.
SHE: The Men Who Stay Stuck in Blame, Control, and Helplessness
David – The Resentful Husband
💬 “I’ve done everything for her, and she still doesn’t appreciate me.” David has spent years bending over backward for his wife. He’s sacrificed, provided, and done everything a “good husband” should do. And yet—she still treats him like a burden, not a man. David believes she’s the problem—and that if she would just change, everything would be fine.What He’s Focused On:
- Keeping score—tracking everything he’s done and everything she hasn’t.
- Resenting her lack of affection and appreciation.
- Feeling like a victim in his own marriage.
What It’s Costing Him:
- A marriage that feels emotionally dead because resentment has taken over.
- Years of silent suffering, waiting for her to change.
- A growing sense of bitterness and powerlessness.
- Potential divorce: $10,000-$50,000 in legal fees, plus alimony and asset division.
Ryan – The “She Says I’m a Narcissist” Guy
💬 “She says I don’t listen. I do. She says I don’t care. I do. She says I’ll never change…” Ryan doesn’t understand why his wife is so cold. She tells him he’s dismissive. She says he never listens. She tells him he’s emotionally unavailable. But Ryan doesn’t hear what she’s actually saying. Instead, he fights the label instead of fixing the behaviors.What He’s Focused On:
- Arguing about the problem instead of changing the pattern.
- Convincing her he’s already doing enough.
- Defending himself instead of listening.
What It’s Costing Him:
- Years of frustration and confusion as his wife keeps pulling away.
- Thousands on therapy and marriage counseling ($3,000-$10,000) that never solve the root issue.
- A divorce he never saw coming.
Mark – The “She Took Her Ring Off” Man
💬 “She says she needs space. What does that even mean?” Mark’s wife isn’t just distant—she’s already leaving. She’s taken off her ring. She’s sleeping in a separate room. She’s “not sure” if she loves him anymore. Mark panics. He begs. He over-explains. He sends long messages about how much he loves her. The more he chases, the more she runs.What He’s Focused On:
- Convincing her to give him another chance.
- Overwhelming her with emotion instead of leading with stability.
- Thinking that more effort will change her feelings.
What It’s Costing Him:
- The pain of watching her slip away while he does everything wrong.
- Anxiety, depression, and desperation that make him less attractive.
- The slow, agonizing breakdown of his marriage.
- Financial cost: If she files for divorce, $10,000-$50,000 in legal fees, plus a lifetime of regret.
WE: The Men Who Stay Stuck in “Working on the Marriage”
These men believe marriage is something they need to fix together.
They say things like:
💬 “We just need better communication.”
💬 “I’m willing to do my part, but she needs to do hers too.”
💬 “We need to go to therapy together.”
They’re partially correct—a great marriage does take two.
But they’ve missed something crucial:
Leadership means going first.
When we wait for our wife to match our effort before we take action, we’re handing our power over to her.
We stall. We wait. Nothing changes.
James – The “We Just Need to Communicate” Guy
💬 “We just need better communication, and everything will be fine.”
James believes the real problem is miscommunication.
If they could just talk things out, everything would be okay.
But his wife isn’t interested in talking.
She’s already checked out.
What He’s Focused On:
- Trying to get her to talk about the relationship.
- Sending her articles and books about marriage.
- Pushing for therapy she doesn’t want.
What It’s Costing Him:
- Months of therapy and “communication exercises” that never solve the real issue.
- A wife who grows colder while he thinks they’re “working on it.”
- Financial cost: $3,000-$10,000 spent on therapy that ultimately leads nowhere.
- Emotional cost: Feeling like he’s “doing everything right” while she pulls away more and more.
James is trying to fix something that can’t be talked into repair.
Matt – The “I’m Willing, But She’s Not” Guy
💬 “I’ll work on myself, but she has to meet me halfway.”
Matt doesn’t blame his wife entirely, but he still believes it takes two to make this work.
He reads books, listens to podcasts, and even tries to improve himself.
But every time he starts to change, he waits for her to match his effort.
She doesn’t.
So he stops.
What He’s Focused On:
- Taking action—but only if she does too.
- Feeling frustrated that she isn’t responding fast enough.
- Questioning if it’s even worth trying.
What It’s Costing Him:
- Months or years of stalled progress because he keeps waiting for her buy-in.
- A marriage that slowly dies while he refuses to fully commit.
- $5,000+ spent on half-measures—therapy, books, programs—without ever making real change.
Matt keeps stopping and starting—because he’s still waiting for her permission to lead.
Tom – The “We Need Therapy” Guy
💬 “I’ll do whatever it takes… as long as we do it together.”
Tom is all in. He’ll go to therapy. He’ll read the books. He’ll do the work.
But only if she’s willing to go all in too.
And if she refuses to engage?
He doesn’t know what to do.
What He’s Focused On:
- Looking for outside solutions (therapy, workshops, marriage retreats).
- Convincing her that “we need help.”
- Hoping a third party will get her to listen.
What It’s Costing Him:
- Thousands on therapy ($3,000-$15,000) that won’t work if she’s already checked out.
- Years of frustration trying to convince her to engage.
- The false hope that “if we just do this one thing, everything will be okay.”
Tom is relying on a solution that only works if she’s willing to show up—and she’s already halfway out the door.
Breaking Out of the WE Mindset
Men stuck in WE-thinking aren’t wrong—marriage does take two.
But leadership means going first.
A man who leads doesn’t sit around waiting for the dance to start.
He steps forward, sets the rhythm, and invites her to follow.
ME: The Men Who Lead Themselves First
This is where everything changes.
These men stopped waiting.
Instead of focusing on her or the marriage, they focused on leading themselves first.
They made a choice: To become the kind of men they always wanted to be—regardless of what she did.
And because they changed, everything else changed with them.
Here’s what that looked like.
Chris – The Curious Observer
💬 “I wasn’t sure at first—I just wanted to see what this was all about.”
Chris wasn’t desperate. He wasn’t in crisis. He was just stuck—frustrated, but not enough to leap into deep work.
Instead of doing nothing, he took the smallest step—joining the $50/month Basic level.
That single step changed everything.
What It Cost Him:
- Letting go of the idea that “I’ll figure this out on my own.”
- The effort of showing up instead of just lurking in silence.
- $50/month—less than a meal out.
What He Got:
✔ An introduction to real masculine leadership.
✔ Access to challenges, discussions, and the community.
✔ A slow but steady path forward.
📌 Investment: $50/month
📌 Real Cost: $600/year
Chris didn’t make a huge leap—he simply stopped waiting.
Mike – The New Adventurer
💬 “I knew I needed change, but I didn’t know where to start.”
Mike’s marriage wasn’t falling apart, but it felt like it was heading that way. His wife wasn’t cruel—but she wasn’t affectionate either.
He felt like she had quietly given up on him.
He wanted guidance, but 1-on-1 coaching with Sven wasn’t in his budget.
So, he took a calculated step:
🔹 A $500 Launch with an Apprentice Mentor (three private calls).
🔹 Then, he moved into Masterful Journey ($200/month).
At first, he wasn’t sure. He felt like an outsider.
But within weeks, he started applying the exact things he was learning.
What It Cost Him:
- Facing his blind spots instead of pretending everything was fine.
- Taking consistent action, even when it was uncomfortable.
- $500 upfront + $200/month—less than a couple of date nights.
What He Got:
✔ A complete shift in perspective on how to lead in his marriage.
✔ A structured, guided path forward (instead of wasting years guessing).
✔ A wife who slowly started leaning back in.
📌 Investment: $500 Launch + $200/month
📌 Real Cost: $2,900/year
The first time his wife looked at him like a man instead of just her husband—he knew he’d made the right call.
Jason – The Committed Builder
💬 “I wasn’t in a rush, but I knew I needed to start somewhere.”
Jason started small.
He wasn’t in a panic—he just knew something had to change.
🔹 He started with Basic ($50/month).
🔹 Then, when he was ready, he booked his 45-day Launch ($1,500 with Sven).
🔹 After three deep 1-on-1 sessions, he saw his own patterns in a way he never had before.
🔹 From there, he stepped into Masterful Journey ($200/month).
Jason wasn’t looking for a quick fix. He was building something that would last.
What It Cost Him:
- Time spent digging into himself instead of waiting on her.
- Taking ownership, even when it was hard.
- $3,300 over a year—less than a gym membership and a few therapy sessions.
What He Got:
✔ Private coaching, deep mentorship, and ongoing development.
✔ A clear roadmap for growth and leadership.
✔ The confidence to finally feel like he was in control of his own life again.
📌 Investment: $50/month for Basic → $1,500 for Launch → $200/month
📌 Real Cost: $3,300/year
Jason wasn’t saved—he led himself here.
Eric – The Focused Upgrader
💬 “I wanted to work directly with Sven—I needed the best.”
Eric was done guessing.
His wife had emotionally checked out, and he knew if he didn’t get his act together fast, he’d be looking at a divorce attorney.
He wasn’t looking for baby steps. He wanted the real deal.
🔹 He invested in the 45-day launch with Sven ($1,500).
🔹 Then, he committed to Masterful Journey ($200/month).
The first call with Sven hit him like a truck.
What It Cost Him:
- Admitting that he couldn’t solve this alone.
- Leaning into real, personal coaching instead of just consuming information.
- $3,900 in a year—less than what he almost spent on a divorce attorney.
What He Got:
✔ Three deep coaching sessions with Sven to reset his path.
✔ A year of structured guidance and support.
✔ A marriage that started to rebuild—slowly, but surely.
📌 Investment: $1,500 Launch + $200/month
📌 Real Cost: $3,900/year
Within six months, his wife was re-engaging.
Within a year, he was leading his marriage with confidence.
By year two, his wife trusted him again.
Tom – The Deep Diver
💬 “Group coaching was great—but I wanted deeper transformation.”
Tom wasn’t here just to save his marriage. He was here to become the most powerful man he had ever been.
🔹 After starting with the Masterful Journey, he realized he needed more.
🔹 He committed to 1-on-1 coaching with Sven—one block of four sessions every two months.
🔹 By the end of his first six months, he had transformed so much that his wife was asking HIM how she could reconnect.
So he made a bold decision:
🔹 He booked a full year of private coaching.
🔹 He set a goal not just to repair his marriage—but to master his life.
What It Cost Him:
- Letting go of his old, weaker self.
- Showing up to every single session ready to be challenged.
- $10,000—less than one year of a mediocre therapist.
What He Got:
✔ The deepest, most focused transformation possible.
✔ A marriage that didn’t just survive—it became stronger than ever.
✔ A version of himself that was unstoppable.
📌 Investment: $2,000 every 2 months
📌 Real Cost: $10,000/year
Tom became a man his wife couldn’t help but admire.
Common "Yeah, But..." Responses
1. “Yeah, but… shouldn’t marriage be 50/50?”
The Truth: That’s exactly the thinking that keeps men stuck. Marriage is 100/100—not waiting for her to do her part before you do yours. Leadership means going first, not keeping score.
2. “Yeah, but… shouldn’t she love me for who I am?”
The Truth: She did. That’s why she married you. The problem isn’t who you are—it’s who you’ve stopped being. She was drawn to you because you led yourself with confidence. When that faded, so did her attraction. The solution? Step back into your power.
3. “Yeah, but… what if she’s the one who needs to change?”
The Truth: Maybe she does. But you can’t force her to. And waiting around for her to change won’t fix your situation. You have two options:
- Wait and hope she changes while you do nothing.
- Lead yourself first and become the kind of man she can’t help but notice.
Only one of these options puts you in control of your own future.
4. “Yeah, but… if I change, won’t I just be doing all the work?”
The Truth: You’re already doing all the work—but in ways that aren’t getting results. Right now, you’re working hard at resentment, frustration, and waiting. What if you used that energy to actually change your life instead?
5. “Yeah, but… isn’t this just manipulating her?”
The Truth: Not at all. Manipulation is changing yourself to get a reaction from her. Leadership is changing yourself because it’s who you choose to be. This isn’t about getting her to act differently—it’s about becoming a man you respect, whether she follows or not.
6. “Yeah, but… what if I do all this and she still leaves?”
The Truth: That’s possible. But here’s the real question: If she’s already checked out, how does doing nothing improve your odds?
By leading yourself, one of two things happens:
- She sees the change and re-engages.
- She leaves, but you walk away knowing you became stronger, more grounded, and more confident in the process.
Either way—you win.
7. “Yeah, but… I’ve tried everything and nothing works.”
The Truth: If you’d truly tried everything, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. What you’ve probably tried is fixing her, fixing the marriage, or waiting for her to change. What you haven’t done is fully taken ownership and led yourself first.
8. “Yeah, but… I don’t have the money for this.”
The Truth: That depends—do you have money for Netflix, beer, a gym membership, or a $50 round of golf?
If this mattered as much as we tell ourselves it does, we’d find a way. The real issue isn’t money—it’s whether you’re willing to bet on yourself.
Besides, what’s the financial cost of divorce?
9. “Yeah, but… I’m not the kind of guy who does coaching.”
The Truth: That’s fine—but ask yourself why. Is it because you truly believe coaching is useless? Or because admitting you need guidance feels like weakness?
Men throughout history have sought mentorship from those who have walked the path before them. Weak men stay stuck. Strong men seek wisdom.
10. “Yeah, but… shouldn’t I wait to see what she does first?”
The Truth: How has that worked out so far?
Waiting is not a strategy. And it sure as hell isn’t leadership. If you want different results, you need to take different actions—regardless of what she does.
11. Yeah, but… what if I don’t have time for this?
The Truth: You already spend time on this—in stress, overthinking, and frustration. The question isn’t whether you have time—it’s whether you’re willing to use it to actually solve the problem.
Right now, you have two choices:
1. Keep spending time worrying, waiting, and reacting.
2. Spend time building, leading, and changing.
One of these gets results. The other keeps you stuck.
12. Yeah, but… what if it’s already too late?
The Truth: That depends. Is she still in the house? Are you still talking? Then it’s not too late.
Even if she says she’s done, even if she’s moved out—your transformation still matters. If you don’t do this work, you don’t just lose your marriage. You carry the same patterns into your next relationship.
13. Yeah, but… what if she’s already seeing someone else?
The Truth: That hurts. But it’s also a distraction. Right now, the only thing that changes your future is who you become, not what she does.
You can’t control her choices. But you can control whether you stay a man who lets this define him—or a man who becomes stronger, wiser, and unshakable.
14. Yeah, but… what if I don’t want to be the only one putting in effort?
The Truth: You’re already the only one putting in effort—but in the wrong ways. You’re spending energy convincing, arguing, or resenting. What if you used that energy to actually change your life?
And if you refuse to go first, ask yourself: If you won’t lead, why should she follow?
15. Yeah, but… I tried working on myself before, but it didn’t work.
The Truth: Most men don’t actually work on themselves. They read books. They journal. They try harder for a few weeks.
But real transformation requires:
✔ Guidance from someone who’s been there.
✔ A clear strategy, not just random effort.
✔ A system of accountability.
You haven’t failed—you just haven’t had the right approach yet.
16. Yeah, but… I don’t want to change just to keep my marriage.
The Truth: Good—because that’s not the goal.
The goal is to become a man you respect, no matter what happens. If your marriage improves, great. If it ends, you walk away as a stronger, more grounded, more powerful man.
This isn’t about saving a marriage. It’s about saving yourself from staying stuck.
17. Yeah, but… I don’t want to join a group—I just need private coaching.
The Truth: That’s an option. But let’s be honest—if you’re resistant to learning from other men, there’s a reason.
Most of us were raised to believe we had to figure things out alone. But the men who grow fastest, lead best, and become truly unshakable are the ones who surround themselves with other strong men.
If you need private coaching, great. But don’t let your ego keep you from the support that could change your life.
18. Yeah, but… I’m not sure if this is for me.
The Truth: If you’re asking this question, it probably is.
Because here’s the real test:
Are you getting the results you want?
If the answer is no, then something needs to change. The only question is whether you’ll take that step or keep waiting.
19. Yeah, but… what if I don’t see results?
The Truth: You won’t—if you don’t apply what you learn.
This isn’t magic. This isn’t therapy where you talk in circles. This is about leadership.
Men who commit and follow through see results. Men who dip their toe in and hope things magically change… don’t.
20. Yeah, but… what if I’m just not the kind of guy who can do this?
The Truth: There is no “kind of guy” who can do this.
Every man who has ever led himself first was once a man who doubted he could.
Every strong man was once weak. Every confident leader was once uncertain.
The difference? They took the first step anyway.
Where Are You Now?
If you’re in the SHE mindset, your first step is to stop focusing on her and start seeing your own patterns. My free resources, books, and courses will help you do that.
If you’re in the WE mindset, you need to break free from waiting and take a short round of 1-on-1 coaching to see how leading yourself changes everything.
If you’re ready to focus on ME, then you’re ready for Masterful Journey—where you’ll get the exact blueprint for transformation, leadership, and connection.
You already know what happens if you stay where you are.
The question is: are you ready to move?
The next step? That’s on you.
Not Ready, But Want to Learn? Start Here
If you’re still processing and just need to understand more, start with my free resources. Watch, read, and get clarity—so when you’re ready, you’ll know exactly what to do.
Not Ready for Coaching?
Begin a Self-Paced Challenge.
If you’re not ready for deep coaching but want to start moving, begin with a 14-60 day self-paced challenge inside the community. Get structured guidance, accountability, and the support of men walking this path alongside you.
Ready to Lead?
Start With a 3-Session Launch or Masterful Journey.
If you’re serious about leading yourself first, begin with a 3-session private coaching launch—a no-BS breakdown of what’s holding you back and how to move forward. From there, continue with Masterful Journey for structured mentoring or take a custom coaching path designed for your goals.
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